Habits
Music by: Terry Breen
Ruts
If you're anything like me, you may have found yourself in a rut from time to time. It can be tough to pull yourself out of what seems like a self-destructive loop. I, like many others have turned to the internet for help and that’s usually where I find myself confronted with advice like “personal growth happens when you get tired of your own bullshit" or “you have to hit rock bottom to get better" and although these statements can be true to varying degrees, they seem to be missing a vital part of the issue at hand.
Being told to pursue rock bottom as a means of getting better is as much of a paradox as the self-destructive habits that we find ourselves seemingly bound to. Teaching ourselves to despise certain aspects of who we are may accomplish the initial goal, but at what cost. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to destroy yourself to fix where you are in life. I'm here to tell you that it is true. It isn't easy, at one time I was my own favorite punching bag, but through introspection I realized that I wasn't accomplishing anything by belittling myself or beating myself up. I can heal without causing more pain, and I can start whenever I want to.
Something To Ponder
Now this isn't a one-time fix, or the end all be all of life’s problems. At the very least this is a fun thought exercise and in the best of cases this could turn your life around. Take some time to yourself and think of an aspect of your life that you would like to improve upon. For me, it was sleep. I wanted to wake up easier and feel better in the morning. To do that I decided to test a theory, if I create a scenario for myself, in which I have a good morning, and I do that every morning, then I should have a good morning every day. Then I needed to analyze what my current morning was like and what aspects of that I didn't like. Some could choose to scrap the whole thing here. I am not going to tell you that you can't do this, and in some cases, it might be necessary but understand that the more habits you try to change at once the more difficult it will be to adhere to new habits. Its ok to start small. It's ok to start and fail, as long as you start again. The goal isn’t to set yourself up for failure. The goal should be to make it as difficult as possible to fail.
So, what does your ideal morning look like? Mine usually starts with a cup of oolong tea and some toast with jam, and a second cup of tea. It's simple. It doesn't always look the same. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all. But after sticking to making a good morning for quite a while now, I am able to wake up without an alarm in the morning, I feel more rested, and I am sleeping more soundly. For me, a love of tea, artisan bread and jams were enough of a source of motivation for me to make the change. For others the intention might be there, but the inertia isn't.
Hard To Fail
Inertia, you might remember from your most recent physics class, it’s the fundamental principle that matter tends to remain in motion or at rest until acted upon by an external force. It's the reason you get pushed into your seat when your car accelerates or why you lift out of your seat coming over a hill too fast. This principle can apply to our habits or psyche as well. Without the initial push the likelihood of starting at all diminishes.
You might find yourself feeling this way when you have a goal, but the path to that goal is knowingly unpleasant or stressful, like getting in shape or losing weight. Goals that many of us have taken on at some point, but who wants to eat less and exercise more. It wasn't me, and I still struggle to be that person from time to time, but I still go to the gym. The way I overcame this struggle was to take away the excuses as they came up. Make it as convenient as possible to go.
First things first, I got a gym membership, it’s harder to not go if you're paying for it. Next, I assembled a gym bag with all the things that I would want to have at the gym. A few sets of gym clothes, shoes, a shower kit, and a few other things and I was all set, but I didn't keep this bag just anywhere. This bag lives in my car, that way if I am ever in the mood to go to the gym I have it with, and when I am pushing myself to go when I don't want to, it's harder to not go because I have it all with me.
Then I set the bar incredibly low. I chose to go to Planet Fitness where they offer hydro-massage beds as well as a few other amenities, but I did this with a purpose. My initial goal at the gym was to just get a massage and read a book for a while. It taught me to enjoy going to the gym and it stopped it from being this intimidating thing. Now, although I am increasingly busy and it is harder to make time, I enjoy going to the gym and I don’t waste time beating myself up when I realize that it has been a month since the last time I went.
Consequences of awareness
Both approaches are simply different perspectives on the idea of shaping the world you live in with intention. Take time to look inward and observe your habits, good and bad. Try to understand how your habits originated and understand that you are not bound to these habits. You have the ability to change most aspects about yourself, but you have to be aware first. This is good practice even for those that have it “figured out" if nothing else it will reaffirm what you are already doing, if not it'll help you learn more about yourself.
It is also interesting to observe where your habits come from, most of us run on the habits instilled in us by our parents as children. Some habits are picked up at school, from friends, and even work. We don’t usually start a habit with intention. Whether its habitually clicking your pen in class, or smoking your first cigarette, nobody intends to develop the habit. The student didn’t see themselves ending up in detention for clicking their pen too much, just like the smoker didn't intend to start buying cartons when they bought their first pack.
Intended Outcomes
Being aware isn't easy, and even for the most practiced it is nearly impossible to have complete awareness. There's no way to know every unintended outcome of every action, but with awareness you can create intended outcomes and circumvent some of the unintended ones. If you’re looking for a place to start, you already have. Just by reading this you have increased your awareness, but it's like a muscle, it'll fade with neglect. So, take some time whenever it feels right. Sit by yourself with a pen and a journal and observe different aspects of your life. What's going well? What isn't working out? Where do you want to improve? Once you have found your goal ask, what habits are preventing me from reaching that goal? What habits can I create that will make this change easier? Don't be overly critical here, bad habits don't mean something is wrong with you. Once in practice reevaluate. Did your actions have the intended outcome? What unintended outcome arose? How can we use our awareness of that unintended outcome to better ourselves?
There are so many aspects of life that require our attention, and even more that are simply beyond our control. It can be overwhelming and disheartening if you let it. It's in those moments that it is vital to be aware. Understand what you can and can't control and you will understand where to put your intention.
Thank you for taking the time to read this today. I would love to hear your thoughts about this in the comments section. Make sure to follow the socials to follow along.
